Yo Red Read online

  Yo Red

  Yo Red

  Midpoint

  Yo Red

  An Adult Fairy Tale

  by Roo I MacLeod

  The copper leant his arse against the dented bonnet of an abandoned car, bounced and fidgeted, his fat buttocks searching for a snug fit on the cold metal. Once comfortable, he turned to watch the medic fretting over a scratch to Red’s face. Ostere’s number one street copper tapped his truncheon on the bonnet with a slow, loud and annoying rhythm.

  ‘Me shift was done,’ I said, but he didn’t hear. He’d collared me because I called the incident in to his despatch, but interest in my tale registered zero once he saw me in my orange and black striped convict clobber.

  ‘Me shift …’

  He turned to face me with a look bordering between tedium and anger. ‘Yes, I heard you.’ His voice rattled and snarled like a dog guarding a treasured bone. ‘Are you waiting for an audience, a spotlight shining upon your heroic moment or what?’

  ‘Red come skipping past me, carrying a basket full of groceries for her grandmother, as she does most nights. I was busy getting me good deeds completed, you know. So much litter and filth for one small town it don’t seem right when it’s just me cleaning.’ I smiled pointing at my wheelie bin brimming with rubbish.

  ‘Yeah, yeah you being a good convict,’ the copper said. ‘Stop with the moaning and accept I caught you with your filthy mitt in the cookie jar and your good deeds don’t come close to paying for the crime you committed.

  ‘What brought you to Granny’s house? You supposed to be working by cardboard city today. You want to see filthy get your arse up there and see how those pigs live. So what you doing down here? Do you like following little girls or what?’

  We turned to the house as the medic guided Granny to the battered ambulance. The coloured lights of the emergency vehicle flashed against her pale, wrinkled skin. She smiled at Red and offered her arm a light squeeze. A small crowd gathered close to the ambulance, dots of red embers glowing in the shadows with a low whisper running on the chill wind.

  I leant against the street bin and smiled at the snarl on the coppers face. Fat jowls and a pug nose with squinty blue eyes reminded me why we called him Bulldog. He didn’t like our nickname much and could be handy with the truncheon if he heard it uttered.

  ‘Bob stood outside the flats,’ I said. ‘He was giving Red grief about every bloody thing and wanting to know where she was heading at such a stupid hour. He’s always on her back, old Bob is, so I followed her.’

  ‘Because...’

  ‘I just said about him being on her back and all the time giving her grief. Bob’s an arse, eh? He’s supposed to be her step dad, you know, but he’s a prick. He’s always giving Red a hard time and she’s only little and needs someone to back her up I reckon.’

  The copper glanced at his watch and sighed. He didn’t give a rat’s arse about a convicted felon’s opinions but I wanted him to hear about Bob coz Bob did weird big time. Bob’s body hunched like a crippled freak and he lurched when he walked which looked really stupid. He had these thick bushy eyebrows that grew all the way to his nose. Most blokes would do a bit of plucking, but Bob had other issues. He stunk for one and his eyes could be bloodshot or yellow depending on the moon we reckoned. And don’t get me started on the foul breath and the jagged yellow teeth. The man drooled when he talked and his greasy hair bristled and I’m sure he panted when he breathed.

  I picked up a butt lying by the coppers feet and dropped it in my trash can. ‘She took the path through Smelly Alley.’ I stopped for effect, but the copper didn’t get the import of my words. ‘No one,’ I continued, ‘enters the alley when it’s late and dark and a full moon shines, eh?’

  The Copper sniffed and spat. ‘So when did you become her guardian?’

  ‘I’m not, but we all like Red and she took the back path to Granny’s. Shorter for sure, I mean by a good ten minutes, but only trouble lives in Smelly Alley after dark, eh?’

  ‘So you and your wheelie bin gave chase.’

  Bob, dressed in a grubby singlet, exited Granny’s with a truncheon tapping at his back. His head hung low, his hairy arms shackled above his arse.

  ‘Red took the back route …’

  ‘You already said that.’ The copper hitched his trousers up so the cuffs and Taser sat high on his gut. Again he spat and sniffed and grumbled. ‘Get on with it.’

  ‘She skipped hard through the alley with her hood low to disguise her face from the youth pissing about in the alley. They’re always there once the shops close with their begging and stealing and some serious shit gets smoked outside Dead Eye Dick’s Diner. They tried to give her grief but me and the orange clobber armed with me spade suggested they leave the girl alone.

  ‘Red skipped around the town square, and she lost me by the court house because this wheelie bin don’t roll so well. I got caught out when I took a short cut through the south side tenements. The deadbeats living on the top floors of the tenement saw my metal trash can as a target and let me have it big time. A couple of shots dented me spade and another shot knocked me one good wheel wonky, but I crossed without taking a hit to me body.’

  I pointed at the large metal bin on my trolley showing him the dents from the bullets. ‘I saw Red enter her Grandma’s little bungalow and sort of relaxed because there was no sign of Bob.’

  The copper and I watched Red sitting on the back of the ambulance talking with the medic. Her shoulders trembled as the medic offered a gentle cuddle.

  ‘She’s not so tough,’ I said. ‘She talks tough, but-’

  ‘So what happened next?’ He stifled a yawn and exhaled a long sad sigh.

  ‘I figured she was safe and sound being in her Grandma’s house. There was smoke puffing from the chimney and I could smell roast beef with all the trimmings coming from Grandma’s oven. As Bob wasn’t lurking in the shadows I figured I best be finishing my chores.’

  ‘But you didn’t. You decided what … to make trouble … to take the law into your own hands. Why did you hang about?’

  ‘The shadows in the window didn’t look right.’

  The Copper and I turned to the cottage, the copper nodding at the large dark shadows working against the curtained windows.

  ‘Granny’s small and all bent crooked you know, and the shadow hugging Red stood tall and broad with a hunch to its back.

  ‘I crept to the window looking through the gap in the curtains.’

  ‘And you saw Bob?’

  I nodded. ‘He was dressed in a frilly bonnet and granny’s night gown.’

  The copper laughed. ‘Bob’s a cross dresser? I didn’t see that coming, but it don’t surprise me. It’s a sick world.’

  Red raised her head at the coppers last words. ‘It wasn’t Bob,’ she said. ‘It was dark and you was outside.’

  We both looked at Red and nodded. ‘Fair do’s,’ I said. ‘Just the one candle, but it was Bob looking weird in a frock. He pulled back the covers of granny’s bed, and patted the sheet for Red to sit, then jumped onto the other side, the night gown riding high, too high, and told Red to remove her cape.

  ‘Red backed toward the door, horrified at the sight of his hairy mitts. My, my granny what hairy hands you have, she said.’

  ‘Serious?’ the copper said. ‘She said that? Has he got hairy hands?’

  ‘Oh yeah and Bob reckoned hairy was cool coz his hair was soft and she’d like it if he stroked her cheek.’

  ‘Urgh.’ The copper screwed up his face and spat a thick globule of phlegm into the dirt.

  ‘That wasn’t Bob.’ Red skipped from the ambulance to confront me. ‘That was a wolf.’ She gave me a severe look, her balled fists sat on her hips.

  I looked at the Copper and shrugged.

  ‘He wanted me to get into bed with him,’ Red said to the copper, ‘but his long hairy ears stuck out from the bonnet. My granny has little pink ears. Jesus granny, I said, what big fucking ears you got.

  ‘Then I noticed the long wet nose with whiskers and large yellow teeth dripping with drool. Oh Granny, I said, you got your wrong teeth in.

  ‘The wolf threw the bonnet aside and ripped the nightgown apart and he snarled and demanded I get into bed. I screamed and ran and the wolf pounced.’

  The crowd offered a loud whoop when Red said the word ‘pounced.’ Red’s head dropped, a tear rolling over her cheek. She held her hands to her face, her head shaking from side to side.

  ‘You didn’t see a wolf?’ the copper asked me.

  ‘No, just Bob.’

  ‘Bob’s a creep,’ Red said, ‘but he wouldn’t hurt me.’

  ‘I broke the door down and-’

  ‘And you missed the wolf,’ Red cried. ‘You scared it off.’

  ‘I hit Bob, gave him a right old pounding and found Granny in the coal cellar and called you guys.’

  The clouds parted and the moon shone a feeble yellow light upon us. Somewhere out back a dog barked and howled a cry full of woe. Red jumped and grabbed my arm.

  ‘He’s here,’ she whispered. ‘He’s howling at the moon.’

  The Copper looked at me and we both shrugged. ‘Dog,’ I mouthed and he nodded.

  ‘It’s the wolf.’

  A yelp and a snarl sounded as the police officer pushed Bob with his truncheon. Bob turned and snapped at the officer with a low rumbling growl. The officer raised his truncheon to strike and Bob lifted his head, his neck stretched long and taut, with his yellow teeth dripping drool and howled long and mournful to the pale orb low in the sky.

  T
he End

  Roo I MacLeod

  Roo I MacLeod was born in Croydon, Australia on an excessively hot, humid day and fought every attempt to enter the world, if we are to believe his mother.

  Time was served at a variety of schools before he began his long trek between homelessness, living in his volkswagon beetle and bedding down on sofas, floors and the odd shared bed.

  No More Heroes was conceived in a church when he took shelter from the rain and intruded on a funeral lacking mourners with a vicar looking for input to his lonely vigil.

  He now lives in West Sussex UK and volunteers for two homeless day centres. He is barred from two of the five pubs in his town and vows to complete the set by end of 2016. On most Tuesdays, should you be in Brighton, he can be found in the White Rabbit practising sobriety. This is an art he struggles with.

  He is a passionate supporter of the Richmond Tigers, The Arsenal and any sport Australia are participating in and any team beating England. He has a partner, who doesn't read or write or support any of the above teams.

  He has two children from a previous unsuccessful attempt to cohabit.

  For more free stories and news about his HEROES series of novels contact him from the plethora of addresses below

  Email: [email protected]

  Website: http://www.rooimacleod.com

  Twitter: @rooimacleod

  Blog: http://bit.ly/1UaNPtr The Hapless Writer

  Facebook https://www.facebook.com/rooimacleod

 

 

  Roo MacLeod, Yo Red

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